Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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