as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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