its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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