dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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