You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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