just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
