Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
