Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
