everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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