on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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