okay pat passed out under dana's car
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
