The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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