I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
