I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
