Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
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