Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
