dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
