We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
