We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Randomize
