Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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