hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Randomize
