Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
