I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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