the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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