He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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