i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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