I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize