her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
