her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
