Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
