I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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