Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Randomize
