Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
