I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He shit in the fireplace
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
