someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
