he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
