she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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