you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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