Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
