I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Congratulations! We have a period
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