I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
