its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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