Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
