I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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