i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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