they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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