high people should be assigned attendants
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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