I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
