that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
