Your mouth is God's brothel.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
