I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
