Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
