when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i've created a new STD.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
