it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
