Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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