Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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