I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
