My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize