I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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