Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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