get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
