I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
