I wish I could punch you in the face.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize