I feel like I'm in dance class right now
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
