you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
