it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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