here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
