woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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