Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
