she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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